Wondering about bipolar and bisexuality: conflict within my sexuality concerns not being able to trust my own instincts.
“Guys love it when I tell them that I’m ‘bi’, l let them figure out the ‘polar’ part for themselves.” *** does depend on my mood though…
“Although I consider myself heterosexual, when I’m manic, anything goes. What does this say about sex and the brain? “
My extreme moods are when I’m usually more interested in women, my more ‘normal’ and stable moods usually opt for ‘straight’ me. Depression just leads to zero drive. Im attracted to both sexes, but its usually completely dependent on the intensity of my mood swings. How can a person trust their instincts and go into a relationship when its dependent on a simple switch of a mood, it becomes a very unclear state of mind.
Easiest way to put it: during hypomania: its like BAM: you’re bisexual, must buy button-ups and male cologne, in the months that follow I won’t even have a single female orientated fantasy and be adamant that I’m straight. It gets expensive maintaining both a straight and gay wardrobe.
My psychologist has put it down to my early 20’s where sexual exploration is natural. After doing some reading it is becoming a lot clearer that many other people with BP2 also experience extreme shifts in their sexual orientation during periods of hypomania. I’m not saying that hypomania causes bisexuality, just that the sex drive is increased and the impulsivity is heightened. I’m starting to wonder what the outcome will be when my mood stabilizers and I realize I am in a monogamous lesbian relationship. Should be interesting. Fuck.
My Wonderland. Mental Health Blog 
I experience the same thing, i have zero sex drive when in a depressive episode and am attracted to both sexes when manic. I am bisexual, all of the time, i just don’t have sexual impulses unless i’m manic. I dare say you’re probably bisexual yourself, if you find the medication makes you feel differently about your partner then i guess you have to cross that road if you come to it, but i wouldn’t worry about this too much, sexuality is an incredibly fluid thing
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Hey Mckarlie, I completely agree with you, I am of a more bisexual or ‘fluid’ nature, just more prominent and impulsive when hypomanic. Confusing to try and understand why though. Don’t have a problem with it, but definitely became more noticeable when I was diagnosed. Always nice to know there are other people out there that go through the same stuff.
Jess x
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Yeah I think it’s one of those things that some of us just can’t really label or define, we are what we are and what we are changes. I used to want to figure it all out, as is my nature in general, but i’ve come to accept it’s just one of those things about me that is a bit different to the rest of the population. If you have love for your girlfriend then work on it, bipolar can easily destroy relationships but it’s a lot easier to get through with someone by your side 🙂
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I am surprised a therapist said that it is just a normal thing for a woman in her 20’s to have dramatic changes in their orientation and interest , depending on the chemistry in the brain.
It is not how the “normals” are and the therapist should know that.
There are clearly extreme chemical changes in your brain that cause the extreme differences in your perception and feelings of attraction.
I do not know what we pay these people for sometimes ! LOL
Great post. Always good to read your blog.
Annie
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I definitely think we over pay them for nothing, wasted money. Think she was trying to generalize me, not a good thing. Thanks for your feedback Annie 🙂
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I have no problems by saying that I have “interviewed” or “tested” a lot of psychiatrists and psychologists and sadly I come across some pretty scary licensed practitioners…. They weren’t even close to being qualified…. I’m not a license review board employee or anything lol
I just felt it was necessary to challenge their ability…. FIRST- I wouldn’t let them know about my education. Than during the initial eval I would indicate through explanation of symptoms one or more possible diagnoses and see what they came up with….. (SCARY)- how off they all were… than I would even test some about medication or other things to see if they were attentive to that (remember I didn’t take any meds)
——–One example, I created a hypothetical test “pop quiz” During the initial evaluation I asked the MD Psychiatrist if it was ok to quite smoking cigarettes without any nicotine replacement? Dr. was like sure that is great if you can quit cold turkey! **** In this interview I had indicated that I was taking xanax at 1mg 3x per day**** So, than I also mentioned that I wanted to start coming off the xanax as well and the Dr said to not try and wean off both at the same time, so if you want to quit smoking than leave the xanax dosage as is and wean off it separately. ********DR. DID NOT EVEN PICK UP ON OR IDENTIFY THE CORRELATION OF THE EFFECTS THAT ALPRAZOLAM (XANAX) AND NICOTINE HAVE********* NICOTINE DIRECTLY EFFECTS THE POTENCY OF THAT MEDICATION —- SO WHEN QUITTING/ELIMINATING NICOTINE THAT MEDICATION IS MORE EFFECTIVE/POTENT AND USUALLY REQUIRES A PROPER DOSAGE ADJUSTMENT….
I WOULD ALWAYS SET UP A HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO ON THE INITIAL EVAIL THAT WOULD TEST THE DR ON THINGS LIKE THIS (GENERAL KNOWLEDGE)—- I COULD GO ON WITH THE STORIES OF MY “INTERVIEWS TESTING THEM” LOL
AND YOU WONDER WHY I REFUSED TO TAKE ANY MEDICATION?!?!?!
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Reblogged this on Tara Trinity and commented:
This writer is a beautiful Australian in her younger 20’s. Oh, to be there again! I enjoy her writing and lucky to have stumbled upon he blog. This says so much about how I feel during my (hypo)manic stages and my sexuality. I couldn’t have said it any better.
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