Bipolar Isn’t All Black Drapes & Cobwebs, But Winter Is Coming.

The self is a story, a product of our telling and not some essence.

Bipolar Disorder keeps getting pigeon-holed as more depressive, that we are always suicidal or unhappy. I’m in a great mood, except for the insomnia, it’s a bad time. People need to be aware that they need to use ‘people first’ language whenever referring to any disorder or disability, this is a must. It becomes increasingly hard to see the overwhelming darkness and turmoil that had for months each year ruled my life, I’ve happily put it in a box and forgotten what it looks like. It’s a beautiful spring day, summer is coming, its hot, the sun is out, I see no room for negativity.  ‘Winter is coming’ is extremely problematic, people with a bipolar disorder are usually highly susceptible to seasonal change. Psychologists recommended better diet and exercise to avoid winter depression, I did both, I gained weight and lost friends.

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Winter is dark and dreary, needing more sleep, having less energy, low motivation/depressed and little control over our appetites. When the weather starts to get brighter, my symptoms of depression will simply change or disappear completely. All the weight I put on during depression disappears in a matter of months; I exercise excessively, high motivation and extreme goal setting ideations. The weight loss is definitely a confidence boost (I had gained 7kg); I can go up to any guy/girl, I will be socially active nearly every night of the week and have mountains of energy to conquer all the things I let slide whilst depressed. Yet the only time I even thought about seeking the help of a psychologist was for my chronic anxiety. During different mood cycles my level of anxiety would become unmanageable, to the point of avoiding almost all social contact. Making the first step to see my psychologist for my anxiety really just opened the door for all the other stuff to come rushing out, I’m still trying to work out if it’s a good or bad thing. Hopefully my next ‘winter’ won’t be so bad.

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