Tag Archives: live

The Femme Fatale Mania.

Hypomania for me can feel a bit like a power trip, my eyes are glazed with excitement, red dress, red lipstick, legs for days and very provoking eyes – on numerous occasions I’ve been told that I have very intense eyes or ‘sex eyes’. It contrasts a lot to my usual black clothing and asocial nature. After these conquests I usually have to take ownership for the wreckage I’ve left behind, the awareness that I’ve hurt people. I like to fade into the shadows and hang on the outskirts of groups, but hypomania makes me the centre, colourful and full of too much life. I also tend to have a severe need to change and little patience in achieving it, sometimes resulting in more piercings or hair colour/cut changes.

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Anyone else think that Taylor Swift’s song ‘Shake It Off’ resonates with aspects of mania?

I’m not one to listen to mainstream music unless I’m working-out, but for some reason this song just hit some cords when I was hypomanic.

♪♪ “I stay out too late. Got nothing in my brain. That’s what people say…I go on too many dates…Can’t stop, won’t stop moving…It’s like I got this music, in my mind, saying, “It’s gonna be alright…I’m lightning on my feet…I’m dancing on my own, I make the moves up as I go…”♪♪

The song reminds me of a combination of ‘innocent’ and ‘femme fatale’ stages of my hypomania. The differences between hypomania and normality are the fact that I wouldn’t make the same decisions if I had been at my normal baseline.

“I go on too many dates”: At these times I get the ‘come hither’ air about me, usually getting exactly what I want from that person, using myself provocatively to achieve my ends. Manic women can appear extremely alluring when they are experiencing the ‘must have’ mentality in regard to sex, the airs of confidence and self-indulgence in pleasure. At the time it seems like the best possible idea, so excitable and care free.  I always look back on those times of complete confidence with disbelief, seeing how misguided and delusional I was at the time, yet how you are incapable of realisng that it was a bad idea until much later. A lot of people say that you ‘knowingly’ carry out your actions, I disagree, I believe my judgement becomes extremely clouded, my perception of normal has been shot out of a window.

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The song ‘whore’ by ‘In This Moment’ also has some pretty stirring lyrics:
♪♪“I’m the girl you’re thinking about
The one thing you can’t live without
Yeah, I’m the girl you’ve been waiting for
I’ll have you down on your knees
I’ll have you begging for more” ♪♪

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MEDS Debate: Bipolar IN Order VS. Bipolar Dis-Order

Being bipolar without disorder.

Tom Woottom “I would rather be on meds with Bipolar IN Order than off meds and still in Dis-Order.”

The simple ‘checklist’ that defines my life, the DSM gives an exceedingly brief checklist to illustrate depression, mania and hypomania, how can I now be defined by these symptoms?!! The list serves to reinforce the confounding issue that the authors can’t empathise with the experiences of those with Bipolar disorder. Symptoms don’t define the disorder; symptoms serve to find a reason why they are suffering or incapacitated. I don’t believe that having the symptoms of depression or hypomania always equal an ‘illness’, if the disorder is managed (medication) and you are merely cycling through emotional stages without having a dysfunctional life, than that to me isn’t a disorder, instead it is a very well controlled series of symptoms that the person is living with but isn’t being incapacitated by. Yes I am bipolar, but with the medication I don’t classify it as a ‘disorder’, disorder implies an unmanaged condition.

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The dogmatic science behind the DSM is supported by commercial interest, lacking deeper understandings and direct experiences. Don’t let yourself be trapped by dogma, whereby other people’s thinking determines how you live. To be successfully bipolar isn’t to ‘cure’ it or be off medication, it’s about the ability to function while depressed or manic, even when taking medication.

Tom Woottom: “Medicine can help moderate the intensity during the Freedom Stage of Bipolar IN Order, but they cannot get you IN Order by themselves. The role of medication becomes more peripheral as one moves through Freedom Stage to Stability and is largely irrelevant once one reaches Self-Mastery. There is no point in taking something to lower the intensity when intensity is no longer an issue.”

Another perplexing issue within the medication debate and the considered ‘disorder’ is the perception of depression, having a number of signs and symptoms of the depressive syndrome aren’t a diagnosis, instead people need to identify what disorder is producing the symptoms. There are two types of depressive syndrome: primary or secondary. Secondary is most commonly caused by substance abuse a medical illness (hypothyroidism etc), if no foreseeable aetiology can’t be found then the depression is diagnosed as primary. Overall mental health is usually completely misunderstood, at the moment I don’t think I’m suffering from a disorder, but that could easily change like the weather. I believe I’m on the path to mastering the dis-functionality that has plagued my life in the past, it’s not a short path, but I know it’s worth it and taking my medication definitely helps me to find the things in life that will make me more stable.