The Femme Fatale Mania.

Hypomania for me can feel a bit like a power trip, my eyes are glazed with excitement, red dress, red lipstick, legs for days and very provoking eyes – on numerous occasions I’ve been told that I have very intense eyes or ‘sex eyes’. It contrasts a lot to my usual black clothing and asocial nature. After these conquests I usually have to take ownership for the wreckage I’ve left behind, the awareness that I’ve hurt people. I like to fade into the shadows and hang on the outskirts of groups, but hypomania makes me the centre, colourful and full of too much life. I also tend to have a severe need to change and little patience in achieving it, sometimes resulting in more piercings or hair colour/cut changes.

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Anyone else think that Taylor Swift’s song ‘Shake It Off’ resonates with aspects of mania?

I’m not one to listen to mainstream music unless I’m working-out, but for some reason this song just hit some cords when I was hypomanic.

♪♪ “I stay out too late. Got nothing in my brain. That’s what people say…I go on too many dates…Can’t stop, won’t stop moving…It’s like I got this music, in my mind, saying, “It’s gonna be alright…I’m lightning on my feet…I’m dancing on my own, I make the moves up as I go…”♪♪

The song reminds me of a combination of ‘innocent’ and ‘femme fatale’ stages of my hypomania. The differences between hypomania and normality are the fact that I wouldn’t make the same decisions if I had been at my normal baseline.

“I go on too many dates”: At these times I get the ‘come hither’ air about me, usually getting exactly what I want from that person, using myself provocatively to achieve my ends. Manic women can appear extremely alluring when they are experiencing the ‘must have’ mentality in regard to sex, the airs of confidence and self-indulgence in pleasure. At the time it seems like the best possible idea, so excitable and care free.  I always look back on those times of complete confidence with disbelief, seeing how misguided and delusional I was at the time, yet how you are incapable of realisng that it was a bad idea until much later. A lot of people say that you ‘knowingly’ carry out your actions, I disagree, I believe my judgement becomes extremely clouded, my perception of normal has been shot out of a window.

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The song ‘whore’ by ‘In This Moment’ also has some pretty stirring lyrics:
♪♪“I’m the girl you’re thinking about
The one thing you can’t live without
Yeah, I’m the girl you’ve been waiting for
I’ll have you down on your knees
I’ll have you begging for more” ♪♪

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14 thoughts on “The Femme Fatale Mania.”

    1. The lyrics of this are awesome and definitely correspond to my hypomania. It’s strange how everyone finds songs/lyrics that resonate with them, think it allows us to express ourselves in different ways.

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  1. Great post and thanks for visiting my blog.
    I painted a series of self-portraits where I was wearing a red dress. Not a particularly sexy one but because I love the colour red and it suits me and it probably contrasts to my everyday life of being a mum and battling physical illness. I feel it reflected the me on the inside. I am not bipolar but am quirky and I am on prednisone and when those dosages are high, whee! I’m swinging from the chandeleirs and very euphoric. Even we I had chemo, they gave me seriously high dose prednisone and I felt great for two days and then it was like I’d been hit by a slab of cement and I slept for days. As the predisone came down, I had times of withdrawal and severe depression. This is a prescription drug which saves my lives but the mood swings can be severe. As I write this, I realise that I have a better understanding of what you experience than I thought. As a writer and a non-conformist, I am also interested in ideas of so-called “normal”.

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    1. I think the femme Fatale really does incorporate a lot of euphoric like feelings. Do you have any of your self portraits online? I’d love to see them. It’s nice to reflect ourselves properly on the outside, im tired of conformity. I had no idea you could experience so many emotions through other illnesses. Haha I’m also interested in trying that medication, being overly happy isnt a bad thing ;). I think the perceived notion normalcy is impossible and boring, abnormal is just way more fun. Thank you for your insight, its really nice to undersrand the varied experiences. take care x

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      1. I don’t have any of my portraits online. I have really struggled with the whole conformist versus creative thing. As a mum, there’s a lot of pressure to have the perfect kids, perfect house etc but I work more from the heart and am too busy writing as well. I am trying to improve the house but to be honest, I’d rather be interesting than neat. All this pressure to be minimalist. Minimalist can also be interpreted as boring, empty, nothingness…depending on your perspective, of course. That said, you still need to be functional. xx Rowena

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      2. Haha interesting always trumps neat every time. Plus who wants to live up to societies standards, having a house and kids that fit the preferred ideas of society isn’t how the world should work. Sometimes less material things allow me to have a clearer head, yet at the same time minimization takes away from the individual. Let me know if you ever have the portraits online. Creativity is key 🙂 without it people have no substance, perfect isn’t necessarily happy. It sounds like an awesome house all the same. Best of luck with everything Rowena x

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  2. YIS! To both those songs. I’m James Bond when I need a woman to satisfy my base urges. When I require that endorphin push and validation, when my survival mode is engaged and Jack McBastard (My name for my hypomanic self, I know naming it was a bad idea) comes out to play I cannot fail. The other night I went home with a 5’10” part native girl who looked like a fit runway model. She was 25, I’m just past my mid 30’s… As it turns out though I’m also evidently very attractive, which was news to me in the last several years. No joke… I spent my teens and twenties convinced I was awkward looking. I depended upon Jack to accomplish all my goals, to carry me through my trials. Now I know that I am smart, sophisticated and attractive PLUS I have hypomanic bursts that put me in the middle of the room and I can dominate. I am SO glad I take pills to curb this or I would be just entirely too much… I love your insights, you are a very intuitive writer as well. I really like your word selection and your flow. Your perspective and focus is fresh. I will be reading for sure. Cheers.

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    1. I find it more of a shame when I’m not hypomanic and just feel so ‘unsexy’ in comparison. The joys and turmoil that comes with it. I’m loving the song as well…always increases my mood 🙂

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  3. First, thanks for following my blog! (I just go the nerve to start this craziness… 😉 ) Second..I love this post…it explains my manic episodes SO well! I feel like the sexiest “unsexy momma” in the world…LOL! And yes, it really sucks coming down…

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